On another, very exciting note... I was happy this past weekend for the first time since January 1. Like, really, truly, no worries, no stress, nothing but peach and calm happy. No heartache, no worry about work, nothing.
Obviously I was diving all weekend. :)
I went with The Dive Shop down to Key Largo on a quick getaway dive trip. We stayed at Amorary Bay and dove Friday-Sunday (7 dives - six day and one night). I got to spend Sunday night with Meredith and Trevor, two wonderful friends who I don't get to see nearly enough. I came back last night.
I had a lot of hesitation in going - I was on my own, and didn't know anyone who was on the trip. I was nervous about that but I knew that I needed some time to myself to reflect and to regroup. I had never traveled without knowing someone on the other end before so this was a big step for me.
The folks that were on the trip were all friends from before and they opened their arms to me and made me feel so special. I laughed and had a great time and it was FUN. It is so nice to spend time around people that are just good folks. The group reminded me of Donny's friends Ray and Brii -- both wonderful people who were just fun to be around and genuinely good folks who I really enjoyed hanging out with. Totally unpretentious and fun. Needless to say, Bob, Trish, Bill, Scott, Denise, Brian and Elizabeth are friends that I hope to have for years to come -- and that I will continue to dive with in the future :)
The diving was amazing.
We started with a night dive, which really wasn't the brightest idea considering it was the first dive I've done since New Years Eve (or day, not sure) and I probably could have used a day-dive prior to it, but it is what it is. The diving came back like riding a bike and being that it was only my second night dive there is an amazing thrill factor in the darkness.
During this dive, I had my first true moment of happiness in forever. The dive was just ending and I came up and was swimming back to the boat. I turned onto my back and looked up and the sky was just magnificent. It was totally clear and the sky was FILLED with stars. I could have floated there all night.
It reminded me of when I was a child and we would walk to the A&W Rootbeer stand at Golden Lake as a family. We would all eat dinner and then everyone would walk up the lane and we would all get rootbeer floats (which i really actually don't like) -- but the whole gaggle of Meyers and Perry's would be together and I remember looking up on one (possibly many) trips and remembering the beauty of a fully star-lit sky. That was just a time of pure simplicity and happiness and looking back up to the sky in the water took me back there. Simply put, it was pure happiness and peace.
As we were coming back I thought to myself that I wish I had someone to share the night with - to share in these memories - but then I realized that it is okay for me to have these memories for myself - and just because I didn't/don't have Donny, or anyone else for that matter, doesn't make the moment any less special. Yes, it would have been nice to have someone to share it with but now it is my memory with just me and that is okay.
The next day was SICK. I am not going to go through each dive but this one was ridiculous. We were at a location called City of Washington - and apparently another dive operation has a tendency to feed the fish, so it is a great spot for critters. We actually dove this location twice because 3 people were getting certified and didn't have the experience that we got during that first one. One of the things that was said after the weekend to the OW students was that if someone were to ask what you've seen while diving that not many people can say that in only six dives they saw 3 sharks, 3 moray eels, rays and groupers that were the size of a fat third grader. Yep. I said it. Groupers the size of fat third graders.
Anyway during this dive, they weren't joking about the critters. The other dive op was in fact feeding the fish, which was SICK considering the fish were nurse sharks, moray eels and third grader sized groupers. As we were under, the DM motioned for me to come over and I was able to pet the shark. Yes. Pet. The. Shark.
Ok - it sounds totally stupid to do that, but the shark was totally docile and just wanted food (no, not me) -- it was more like a cat than what you would typically expect a shark to be like. This was NOT jaws. But it was still pretty cool. And the moray eels are SO awesome - they are like these big snakes but in the water... oh and such a pretty green. I could have watched them all day (but they were shy - they just wanted their fish and thats it)
We do have video and photos of all of this so as soon as I get them, I will post them to the blog and facebook.
The rest of the diving was AWESOME. The visibility was 70 feet everyday but Sunday and the water was so calm. The weather was BEAUTIFUL -- 85 and sunny each day. From what I understand, we really lucked out.
But most importantly, I was back where I needed to be: underwater. The peace and the calm of being underwater hasn't changed for me. The bubbles, the peace - just the serenity of everything was exactly what I needed.
Who are we kidding, I am still licking the wounds of my breakup with Donny. I realize now that part of the reason this has been so difficult to let go of is because he was my escape. My resuce. He was my prince charming that swept me off my feet, who I fell deeply in love with. I was asked last week we were crutches to bring each other down - and I don't think that was the case. He made me want to be a better person - to work on the things that bring me down, and rather than us both pull eachother down we lifted each other up (or at least so I thought) -- so in thinking this weekend I thought a lot and realized that it was okay to want to move to Califonia (or anywhere for that matter) for me. I can't (and don't) need Donny (or anyone) to be the crutch to my happiness. I have to find my happiness on my own anyone else really should just be an accessory to it (I can hear Heather reading this right now saying "I told you so fool"). I do love him but I can't make him love me. If he does, he does. I know what we had was real - and I may never know what happend on his end but I know the feelings were mutual and true and rather than dwell on the heartbreak that he left me, I have to be thankful that it happened. Maybe now that I can differentiate my unhappiness here with my heartbreak over love lost, it will help me eventually heal. Who knows.
Anyway, that was a tangent from the dive trip. All in all, it was AMAZING. I had a great time and as soon as I have pics I will post them. Here are a few that I took from my camera...
 |
| Giving a little love to Cap. Dan. Anyone who was on the boatknows that this was the only smile we saw out of him all weekend :) |
 |
| The girls~ Elizabeth, Denise, Me, Trish! |
