My Big Announcement...

For some this might not come as a big announcement, and for others it may come as a shock, but in all honesty, for me, it just seems right. 

I am moving to Maui. 

Yes. You heard it right, Maui. 

It may seem like an irrational and crazy decision, but it has actually been well planned and thought out. I have spent countless hours talking (and crying) to my parents, weighed the pros and cons of leaving the area, worried about all the ups and downs, but it comes down to that I need to be happy and I need to do what is right for me. This was not an easy decision to come to and although scared out of my mind and nervous for what it might bring, I am excited for this new adventure. 

If you have followed or read any of this blog over the years, you have followed my journey through many seasons of Team in Training, and of course The Best Dive Job, which is probably one of the many things that sparked my dream to do this. And now you get to read about my newest adventure. 

I am not going to lie - I have been successful in my career in marketing and I've been lucky enough to be a part of some wonderful companies, and I am good at what I do. I love marketing and I enjoy it. I also never thought that I would find something that I love as much as diving. 

I've spent my whole life following the rules - go to school, work hard, swim fast, go to practice, get a job - and it has worked and I have found success and I am proud of all I have accomplished and I am lucky to be where I am today - and I recognize and acknowledge it. 

So why leave it all and teach diving?

In diving, when I went on my first dive in Grand Cayman, I was lucky enough to have a photo taken of me coming out of the water just as I surfaced. To me, this picture and the expression on my face is what I have and do use to remind myself about how and what happiness means to me. To me - It is truly and ultimately what happiness looks like. From the moment I came out of the water, I knew I had found "it" - I was done. 

Happiness. 

I think I have said it before in this blog, but there is a moment when I was competing in swimming that I spent years trying to replicate. It was the moment that in the middle of a race when the crowd is cheering, you're stressed, trying to beat the person next to you, just trying to be the best you can be and giving it your all - it is the rat race of life - and then you push off the wall into your pullout and there is perfect silence. Just the sound of the water and just you. It is perfect calm and peace. It is THAT moment that I spent years trying to replicate. I ran marathons, taught cycle classes, did yoga, whatever it was to try to find that moment again, and it was immediate and instantly came back to me when I took that first dive. It is the peace that makes me happy and it is what I want to share with others. I said when I came out of the water, probably right after that picture was taken, that I wanted to become an instructor. And although I didn't win BDJ, I did finish my instructor and now I want to take that next step and share it with others... in Maui. 

But why Maui? 

Well - again, if you read back, I visited last year and it holds a very special place for me. I took a week in between Gold's and Ratner and visited by myself. It was my first solo vacation (beyond diving trips) and it was something that is very personal and is hard to explain what it meant. I won't try to explain it because simply I can't. It was where I found the person I want to be, someone inside myself which I have somehow lost over the last year. 

Since the visit in August, I have visited twice - and I won't bore anyone with the details, but I had two totally different experiences with the trips. I was able to see and learn a lot about myself and when it comes down to it, my heart is there. Maui is where I find my peace and I am who I want to be. 

A good way for me to sum up "why Maui" is that I sit at my desk at work every day and I have two pictures that sit right next to my computer - to the right is a picture of Molokini that I ripped out of a magazine and the other is the framed photo that I have pasted above. It is just where my heart is and where I want to be.

Although I have no idea what the future holds, I know that what I am doing is something for me. It is out of the realm of what people normally do at this point in their life, but it doesn't matter. I am lucky to be able to have this opportunity and although it will be a challenge, something totally different and a bit out of my comfort zone, I am excited... Aloha!
 

Better late than never: Race Report!

So I wrote this over three weeks ago when I returned from Hawaii and it never posted - not sure why... but here is the race report from the tri... ENJOY!

My finish!
3:10
Finished 32nd overall in my age group;
4th in the swim in my age group / 100th overall

It's taken me a while to do a race report - mainly because I have spent the last 10 days basking in the glory of the triathlon - ok not really - more like enjoying myself in Maui, which I of course will get to eventually with another post. BUT rewinding to the race, it went exceptionally well and I am incredibly proud of myself. The race itself was fantastic - I definitely had a lot of doubt and worry going into it, but when it is all said and done, I enjoyed myself and I had a great time.

Before I talk about the race itself, I have to touch on a post that I wrote a while back. One thing that really was upsetting to me leading in to the race was that I didn't think that I was going to have any support at the race - which was the exact opposite of what happened. I can honestly say, that I have never felt more supported at any of my races. I found out about 3 weeks before the race that Dave was going to come over from Maui to be there for me - and it truly meant the world to me.

 

I don't think that he had any idea coming into it (or even now) how much it meant to me to have him there and I am not really sure how to properly explain how it made me feel. I also don't think that I let myself know how much I wanted someone familiar there to me until he let me know he was going to come. The gesture of him coming to cheer me on will forever be one of the kindest things that someone has done for me. And - he wasn't just there at the finish - he was there the entire time - and for that he gets massive amounts of credit for his effort since neither of us really knew much about how and where to cheer people on for a tri and it was HARD work running around trying to figure out where I was. He definitely won the fan of the year award for it. Having his familiar face at the transition, during the run when I wanted to quit and most importantly there for me as I crossed the finish line meant more to me than any words can possibly express. It is very rare that I am short of words, especially when it comes to gratitude, and in this case, I am overwhelmingly thankful and at a total and complete loss of words. I only hope that one day I can show him even half the amount of support that he showed for me during race weekend.

 

I am also SO thankful for my teammates. As with all TNT events the team came together and everyone was awesome and so supportive and fun. I think that regardless of how many practices you attend or how much you hang out before the race, when you are at the event and you are together, especially at the inspiration dinner, you just come together. We are the ones who know how hard we've worked to get to that point. We are the ones who trained and fundraised and when you are that far away, it impossible not to come together. Not to take away from the friends and family that traveled to the race but your teammates have a special bond.

And then at the finish, when you know your fellow teammates battled the same heat, hills and exhaustion, their faces, smiles and congratulation mean the world. You are tied together and bonded because you've overcome and accomplished something that only those that have done understand. Plus- they also saw the turtle during the swim!

As for the race, it was great - I was in the third wave of swimmers (it was broken out by sex/age group) and I was able to get right up at the front for the start. It was a great swim. It was clear and calm and I cruised through the water. Before we started, we were standing on the beach in our suits and caps and they played the national anthem and it was strange - in college I would always visualize my race during the national anthem - and I found myself doing the exact same thing before we started - except I was visualizing a breaststroke race - it's funny how certain situations take you back and your brain automatically triggers to things. Although I was visualizing something different, I got in a race state of mind and I was nervous, but ready to go.

 

The swim itself was pretty sweet - I got kinda bored about 1/2 way through so I spent some time looking on the bottom and identifying fish... I saw a few turtles, couple trumpet fish, a bunch of angel fish... and then I realized I was in a race and decided to try to find and catch anyone in a yellow cap (that was my cap color - -GOLDIE represent!) I finished the swim 4th in my age group (damn it those three other girls!! Maybe I should not have spent that time looking at fish!) and 100th overall (out of about 1500 people)- not too shabby if you ask me.

 

Coming out of the water

The bike was good also - we rode through the lave fields, which was nice. I think that I was expecting something a bit different and a view that was more Maui like -but the lava fields were nice (but different). I did remind myself to "look out into the blue" and to try to take mental pictures of the ride and to enjoy myself. It was an absolutely beautiful day and this was probably my favorite part of the race, simply because I was able to push myself, but still enjoy it. As for the run - it sucked - partly because I hate to run, and I am not very good at it - but it was also hot. Not to make excuses, but I did not do as well as I would have liked in that final leg and I have a lot of room to improve here - BUT I knew that going in.

 

There is a big difference with marathons and tris, but when you get down to that last part - whether it is the last six miles of a marathon or the last leg of a tri - for me, it's all heart. One of the challenges with this race was the last two miles of the run were in straight lavarock and dry sand. The path was ridiculously narrow and only one person could be on it at once. Being the clumsy fool that I am, I am kind of surprised that I didn't trip and fall and hurt myself - but I had walked that portion of the race before so when I hit that part, I knew that I was close, which helped me get through it.

The most difficult part of the entire race for me was the first three miles of the run - those are the three that I compare to the last six of the marathon. I had difficulty getting into a rhythm and it was hot - Like Nashville 2009 hot - and no shade or breeze (or free beer like in Nashville). Although I didn't do as well as I wanted during the run, I am proud of my mental toughness that kicked in during those first three miles and I am appreciative of my marathon experience for that. I've had to work through hitting the wall and pushing through in the past and although I wasn't ever thinking of quitting, I recognized where I was mentally and pushed through it and finishing the race was a great feeling. I actually felt pretty awesome pretty soon after the race - after finishing, I immediately took my shoes off and went into the ocean (with my socks... not sure why I left those on) -- but as I was cooling off I definitely had a moment of pride and it felt great knowing what I had just finished.

Take a look at the ground... it's amazing I didn't break my ankle

 

During the bike, I thought of a pretty solid analogy for a triathlon - it is kind of like going to a really nice dinner and having a kick ass dessert first (the swim) - then eating the main course - something like a steak. Delicious, but not something that you would want to have all the time - that's the bike. And then finally, the last course is kind of like having to eat lima beans at the end. You are full, kinda not wanting something like lima beans, but you will eat it so you can say you finished the meal - that's the run. Ok - maybe that isn't the best analogy, but it works for me.

All in all, I am VERY proud of myself. I finished in 3:10 - which I think is pretty good for my first time out. I finished 30th in my age group, so I am proud of that also.

I hit my fundraising goal right to the dollar, totalling $8500. Not only did I hit my goal, but that is the largest amount of money that I've raised for a TNT event and because it was for John Park, it was especially meaningful to me. As a team, John Park's Champions has reached (and surpassed) our goal and we are officially going to have a grant named after John. It is a great way to honor him and I am so proud that I was able to do my first tri in his memory. You can see it in the picture that I had "JOHN PARK" written on my hands and it was great for me to be able to remember during the race WHY I was doing the race. It may sound cheesy, but I felt like John was there with me - helping me. I remember a point during the ride that I thougth to myself - wow, I am really doing this and this is for you JPJ! :)

 

All in all, the hard work paid off, and I am very happy with the outcome. It certainly wasn't an easy road to get to the finish, but I would do it again in a heartbeat.

My teammates at the finish!!!
What a beautiful place to end a race!

Getting Excited!

I am SIX days away from the race and I am starting to get excited. I've trained my ass off (literally, I feel like I have no ass left) and I have worked harder than I have with any of my other races, which is good. I have trained consistently and hard with Tasha and I've modified the training plan to work with my schedule and I feel good about it - or as good as I can about it. I am trying to keep this all in mind as I do have a bit of self doubt lingering in the back of my mind. 


I know that I shouldn't have doubt in myself - but I think it is human nature to do so, especially since this is something I haven't done before. I try to think back to swimming and during our taper time and I know that what I am feeling is similar. You've worked so hard to get to where you are about to be, and I know I have to trust my training, which is easier said than done. I need to put the nerves away, relax and enjoy myself and the experience. 


I think I helped with my nerves by going out on Saturday night...I just let loose, which I think that it was exactly what I needed to get in the right mindset going into the weekend - I felt like my old "FUN SAM" self - not the one that is nervous and stressed about training and fundraising.  


I was out with some friends from work and a few from the team - including Kaitlin, who I've admired and looked up to so much from a TNT perspective over the years. Being around her and Jeff, another TNT coach and friend, put me at ease for the race and helped my mind lean toward just letting it all go and having fun.


ANNNNDDDD - on a fundraising note - I am incredibly proud to announce that JOHN PARKS CHAMPIONS hit the $100,000 mark on Friday - and we OFFICIALLY will have a grant named after him. 


I am so honored to be a part of this team and I am so happy that we have been able to reach our goal and to be able to honor his memory. This is the ultimate goal - not finishing - but to be able to give back and to be able to honor John. I am also VERY proud to say that I hit the $8000 mark in my personal fundraising today... and although I don't know if I will hit my personal goal of $8500 in the next six days, I am incredibly thankful and humbled to have such wonderful support. This alone helps me move my emotions more toward the excited side so THANK YOU for the support that you've given!


I am excited for the next week and I am going to try to enjoy this taper and get through the rest of work... and then jump on the plane and make this triathlon my bitch. 

For those that don't know about the ho - a repost and update of the story.

Over the last couple of days, I realized that there were a few very important people in my life that had no idea about my ho and my blood clot and it really surprised me since it is a huge part me. I think that part of that comes from changing jobs and having new people introduced into my life, which is something that just happens. 


The details of this story aren't exactly something that I bring up on a daily basis because although it is a huge part of my life, it isn't doesn't define me... plus to understand what happened, it is a long story. I have found myself referring folks to the original post just so I don't have to explain the details. 


I posted this sometime last year and it is my personal account of what happened with my leg and it was the first time that I had ever written everything down. I have added a bit to it, since after the first post was written since there have been some updates... so, here it is again... the untold story of my clot and how I became a ho. :) 

When I was 19, I was diagnosed with a blood clot in my right leg - it was from the upper part of my hip to midway between my calf and ankle. In addition, I had a pulmonary embolism in my lungs (which is actually a good thing considering the alternative of aneurysm and/or stroke. Pulmonary Embolism is when a clot breaks off and travels to your lungs). I have to preface that I am very lucky to be here. I take each day and try to live life to it's fullest, remembering "what could have been" -- obviously some days I do better than others with that thought. :)

See, a blood clot is very hard to diagnose. I was a VERY active, healthy 19 year old Division I swimmer. I was giving my all to my craft, and I loved it. Swimming was my LIFE. I loved ECU, I loved my team, I loved the competition, and I HATED losing. I trained my ASS off and I was good. I went to ECU to swim and that is what I did. I loved the water.

I remember that we went to AU and then to JMU for a Saturday/Sunday meet - which meant that we had Monday off (yipee). It was my first time swimming "at home" -- American -- and I was excited that my family could be there (even though they were at all my meets because they love me!). I remember doing my 200 breast and getting out and just being in pain. I remember so specifically being in the corner just balled up not being able to move - its funny because later I would end up working at AU as an SID and I have these horrible memories of the pool there and that pain. 

The next day we went to JMU and I had to swim against a girl named Sam -- and I remember my coach putting me in lane 8 (I always swam in the middle) -- and I finished very poorly and I remember not being able to breath well... it was just not a good day.  We went home, I chalked it up to a bad weekend in the pool and that I would be fine.

The next practice was a Tuesday morning and I recall nothing but the kick set. This sounds so gross, but I hocked up a loogey (everyone does it -- and if a swimmer tells you they don't pee in the pool also, they are lying, all swimmers do it). Anyway, the loogey had a massive amount of blood in it and I immediately ignored it and swept it into the gutter... (sorry to all my teammates). So obviously a HUGE loogey of blood was not exactly sucked down and Coach Kobe fished it out with a fin and was like WTF. Obviously, being the petty sophomore who was so embarrassed I didn't say anything... probably not the smartest move on my part.

Time went on and I continued to try to practice over the next couple of days, only to be in more pain. I went to the team doctor, who told me that there was nothing wrong with me that they could see. He went to far over the couple of times that I saw him to say that I was depressed and that one leg was longer than the other which was why I was in pain. My mom eventually came down and yelled at the training staff and doctors and still nothing was found. Anyway, long story short, I was in pain, I was a bitch because I wasn't sleeping and couldn't swim and life pretty much sucked.

So after about 2 weeks, I was in the student center and my dear friend Kelly and I were there and I sneezed and as it happened a bunch of blood came up with the sneeze. She looked at me and said "ok bitch, you are sick. we are taking you to a real doctor I don't care what you say", so after practice that day, she packed me up, and took me to a doc-in-a-box.

After examining me, the doc-in-the-box said, I am not sure what is wrong with you, you have a choice... go to the hospital now or go home and go when it gets worse. Kelly, being the loving friend she is, said "no way. you are a bitch you are going to the hospital NOW" So off we went to Pitt Memorial... and the rest of the evening is a bit blurry.

I remember being in INCREDIBLE pain in the waiting room -- it was like my body was telling me that I needed help NOW. I got doped up with a bunch of drugs (woohooo for me, baddddd news for Kelly), having to pee and there being a pregnant lady in the bathroom about to give birth (ok that might have been the drugs) and a pelvic exam that ended with Kelly yelling at the doctor to stop looking at my hoo-haw and start looking at my leg because it was 4X the size of my other one (note: in all college ER's you are automatically expected to have either a STD or be preggers if you have pain in your stomach). The doctor quickly realized that Kelly was right and there was nothing wrong downstairs and immediately got me a CT scan. I have no recollection past the pelvic exam and only Kelly could share with you that evening and being the one to have to call my parents.

I woke up the next am and there was a nurse coming in asking me if I wanted to speak to the priest to repent any sins (ie, you are about to die)  --  of course being the kind person I am I said"what the F are you talking about, go get me a doctor"  When the doc came in he told me I needed to make a decision because  I had a clot the size of texas in my leg and I was either going to die, lose a leg or both within the next four hours -- oh and I have about a 10% chance of coming out of all of this 100%... so of course, I said - just talk to my mom.

Next thing I know I am being wheeled into surgery to do some sort of crazy shit that my body ended up rejecting -- BUT I didn't die (cue applause). Because my body rejected the surgery, I was put back into surgery to remove whatever it was they put in and was then put on a heperin drip in intensive care to hopefully eradicate the clot.  Long story short again, I had a huge ass blood clot from my hip to my shin and they got all but 4 inches out, which still remain a part of me today.

I spent 10 days in the hospital. I was a HORRIBLE patient. Think about it. You take an active, happy athlete and take her out of what she loves and tell her she may not be able to do it ever again... what do you think you are going to get??? I was devastated. It was my life. And to be told that the chances were slim to none that I would be able to compete again killed me. I went home on Thanksgiving Day and I remember driving back to DC not knowing what the future held. 

Most don't know but swimmers don't shave their legs in season - they wait until the "big meet" -- so I was a hairy mofo... and I remember sitting in my shower, shaving my legs and it was such a significant thing for me -- because that was the true ending to my season -and possibly my swimming career. It was the reality that it was over. All my hard work, all my sweat, tears, training was over...possibly forever - and it was horrible. It was a moment that will forever be in my heart. I have had my heart broken by many men - but nothing will break me more than that moment, when I realized that it was over. I remember sitting in my shower (I couldn't stand for more than 5 minutes without incredible pain) and just crying. Thankfully, I was able to swim and kick ass even more than before, so that heartbreak isn't so bittersweet like the others, but that moment in the shower was one that I will never forget. 

So when I came back home I was lucky enough to see a doctor that was top in the nation for blood clots. One thing that puts all of this in perspective is that doctors that specialize in blood clots also are the doctors that treat cancer patients - particularly leukemia, lymphoma (blood cancer) -- and they totally trump me when it comes to importance. I am SO lucky next to what they are going through. I almost feel as if I am not worthy and that the doctors time is better spent on saving them than looking at my stupid clot. Dr. Kessler is the top vascular surgeon and hematologist in the nation -- I am lucky to have him even blink an eye at me, much less see me as a patient. He truly knows his shit. I had Dr. Bogey at ECU, who was the vascular surgeon who saved my life and I thank my lucky stars for him every day and he is another amazing doctor. He was amazing, and incredibly patient with me, and he I try to keep in touch with him now (apparently his son is/was a swimmer at ECU of all things -- how ironic)

Anyway - Dr. Kessler told me that I should kiss my marathon dreams (which I laughed at the time) goodbye and that if I were to finish my swimming career that I should be thankful to be back in the water. After getting back to school, I worked hard to regain the ability to walk without pain. I had no circulation and just standing for a period of time would be painful - also sitting for periods of time was difficult so there was a lot of trouble finding any type of comfort. Needless to say, it was frustrating.  After a lot of hard work, I came into my junior year to a new and amazing coach (love ya and thank you Chris Feaster!) and built myself back up - through a LOT of hard work and pain. I didn't kill it that year, but I came back with a vengeance and Chris understood what I wanted to achieve and he was dedicated to get me there. He got it and was there every step of the way and I was incredibly lucky to have someone like him on my side. 

My senior year, I came back, worked hard and kicked ass and even became nationally ranked (not bad for a chick with a ho) and finished proudly as the most improved swimmer for ECU. For each meet (and practice) during both these years, I wore, and still proudly wear a ho on my leg, which provides circulation from my foot to my heart. And even though I was told to put the dreams of marathon running aside, as this blog shows, I proudly finished 3 1/2 marathons with little to no issues. Needless to say, I am not about to let this stop me.

Over the years, I built up collateral's around the clot - it is amazing how the body works and can rebuild itself and my circulation improved, most likely from living such an active lifestyle. When I was down in Winston-Salem after college, I got off taken off blood thinners, which was huge for me. I even was able to get to a point where I was able to go for short periods of time without my ho and be comfortable. I hit my 10 year anniversary and I was proud of where I was. I wrote a note to Dr. Bogey and sent it to him on Thanksgiving of that year and sharing with him all I had accomplished and saying thank you to him because without him, I wouldn't be here. I try to remember to write to him every year just to keep him in the loop. 

In January of 2011, I was doing a lot of traveling back and forth to California and I freely admit that I wasn't wearing my ho nearly as often as I should have been and I think that all of the travel, in addition to not being on blood thinners led me to have another clot. I've always had chronic pain and swelling in my leg so when the pain started to become more acute and really effecting me (to the point where I couldn't get out of bed) I went to the doctor (ok - well Manda told me to go).

I decided to go on a Tuesday after cycle class and I went to Georgetown just in case something was seriously wrong then they could get in touch with Dr Kessler easily. I am not really sure why or how it happened but I was in and out of the hospital a couple of times that week and was able to get an appointment with Dr. Kessler quickly (if it says anything I called to make an appointment with him before going to the ER and his first available appointment was in May - when they realized I had another clot, I got one for the next day).

The day of that appointment, I remember sitting with my dad in the waiting room just so scared with what he was going to say - It was like reliving a bad dream all over. I hadn't seen him in almost 10 years so it was nerve racking. In seeing Kessler, it was determined that I did have another  clot, this one had built on top of the remaining 4 inches and I that I had also lost most of my collaterals... so basically I was starting over. They also did some tests on my heart and lungs after seeing Kessler a second time, they determined that the clot most likely had broken off but my body absorbed it because of how healthy I am (thank you Gold's Gym).

This news and setback was a HUGE blow to me. Not only was I back in pain, but I was dealing with something that I thought that I had put in the past. It really hit me hard and it sucked - SUCKED - having to "start over."  I was put back on blood thinners and Dr. K told me that I was never going to be off of them (and he was surprised that I was off of them in the first place). I also was back to wearing my ho 24-7 simply because I needed it for pain management and swelling - and to this day, I still wear it all the time - even now when I sleep (which is something that I never had to do prior).

 All of this took a lot of getting used to again and it was a hard pill to swallow - but I have no choice but to do it. Sometimes I feel like a cat with nine lives and I recognize that I am VERY lucky to be here - especially after the second time. I recognize that I am so lucky, but when my leg hurts and I am uncomfortable it does upset me... it does frustrate me. I don't like it but I have no choice but to suck it up - there are a lot of other things that could suck more. 

As for my ho, I do wear my it all the time. It is a part of me. It is very tight and I only wear it on one leg. It provides me the circulation that I don't have due to the damage in my veins and the remainder of the clot. It also provides me relief from the pain that I feel and it keeps my clot from building onto itself.

It's sort of skin colored but that depends on which one I am wearing and how old it is. I have a lot of them - and some are better than others... And it is like Christmas when I get a new one. Seriously - there is not much better than putting on a new ho. (Oh the jokes we could make with that comment) - but seriously, it is amazing when you put on a new ho...

Another thing that people ask about is how come they can't get the clot out. The remaining part of the clot is in a very difficult place - it is at the top of my deep vein very close to my hip. You can actually see and feel it. To take it out, they would most likely have to break my hip and I really have no desire to do that and frankly the damn clot is so old there really is nothing they can do for it at this point. Back when it first happened, I was going to have a stint put in, but Dr Kessler advised us not to because a number of different factors. But no, to answer the eternally asked question, they can't go in and get the clot out.

So - if you see me walking down the road and you aren't sure if I forgot my other stocking, trying to make a fashion statement, or I am just strange, don't judge. Some may not know what it is all about and if you ask I will tell you - but for those who don't, just think before you act or speak. Each person has a unique story... and my ho is mine. It is part of what makes me who I am and it has molded who I have become. I love it (sort of) - but I really have no choice but to. Granted I don't love it when my leg hurts and swells, but I have been known to get a few chuckles out of it - even 12/13 years later the joke of being a HO doesn't get old... and although I've had a few hiccups over the years, it hasn't slowed me down yet, and I don't plan on it anytime soon.

As for diving, I was nervous when I started  - what would the compression do at depth, how would my leg react under all diving circumstances  -- but I've done the research and it there is nothing that says I can't dive - so I am not going to let it stop me and the doctors agree! I did get Dr. Kessler's blessing to dive and he is ok with it as long as I take proper precautions when it comes to my meds (ie - don't get bit by a shark because you will bleed out - I have to say that when I went to see him I was most worried that he was going to tell me I couldn't dive). I do have to be careful and I am VERY aware of what I need to do to take care of myself but I am not letting this keep me from diving.

Obviously I have continued working out because I know that it is a factor in keeping myself safe and healthy and I've obviously picked up training again recently after a long break. I think that one of the reasons why this race coming up means so much to me and that I am putting so much pressure on myself is because I want to prove something to myself in regards to my leg.

As for everything else, this bitch of a clot didn't stop me from swimming before, finishing three marathons, so I am sure as hell not going to let it stop me now.

Plus, I make the ho look DAMN GOOD.

Anyway that is the long, but exciting, story of the ho and the clot!

Confessions from a nail salon

I went to get a pedicure today after work and I overheard a conversation that really made me think and reflect on all of this. I didn't mean to listen, and I wasn't until a woman waiting commented to a girl who had been on the phone, and said "I overheard your conversation and I just wanted to let you know that I am so sorry" - it was that comment that made me tune in, thinking to myself, wow this woman has some serious balls... but then once I started listening, it was the girls story that made me reflect. 


Turns out, she is 25 years old and she was just diagnosed with mylenoma and was about to undergo treatment. Her mother was also currently in treatment for the same disease and was in surgery at that moment down the road at the hospital. You could tell she was upset and that what she was going through was difficult and after the woman stopped talking to her, I could see her silently crying as her nails dried.


I can only being to imagine how that girl felt and what she is going through... and I immediately wanted to go up to her and give her a hug and tell her that we are all fighting for her (I didn't - that would be weird). 


But as I left the salon, I reflected on what I saw and heard. I also reflected on some of the things that I have said over the last few days and regretted them. I have caught myself saying that I am tired. I am tired of fundraising and training. I've said things like all I feel like all I do is train...and I think I even said to someone "you have no idea how tough this is and what I am going through" - which is to me the worst comment possible.  Don't get me wrong, I am exhausted and I do want this race to be here, this small, short period of time is nothing compared to what this girl and her family are going through.


I have no right to bitch and moan. I have NO place to complain. I am incredibly lucky and it is because of my health that I am able to do this race with TNT and fight for people like her and her mother. I fight for her, train for her and raise money so she doesn't have to go through this with her children. So her mom can meet her grandkids. So that she doesn't have to sit in a nail salon and silently cry. It is moments like today that I remember that this is so much bigger than just being tired from a little training and fundraising.


Even though she has no idea that I overheard, or who I am, she did reach me and remind me that even though I am tired, that there is a reason behind all of this. She has no idea how much she touched me and how even though I don't know her, I am praying and thinking of her and her mother. 


And, maybe most importantly, it is moments like this that put me in my place, humble me and remind me of why I am doing this. 

35 days and counting!

I am 35 days out... and I am getting excited. There are so many unknowns about this race coming up but I have to keep in mind that I can only stress about things I can control. 


Saturday's training was just a strange day - the weather called for it to be about 40 - which although cold, really didn't freak me out. When we got to practice we had a 20 minute random snow squall, that was just strange considering earlier in the week it was 70 (no seriously, 70). 


Our training for the week called for a 10 minute run, followed by a 120 minute ride and then a 20 minute run. As I transitioned onto my bike, it was having difficulty shifting and it turns out that my shifter punked out (I think - who are we kidding, I don't know what it is really called) - I ended up having to come back and my bike was out of commission for the day. I wasn't going to just call it quits and hang out in the cold for 2+ hours, so I ended up doing a nice long run, which was actually exactly what I needed - not only for my mental health, but for my confidence going into this race. 


I have  always had a fear of running -that is why I started with TNT in the first place - and as I have trained for this race, I have continued to run, but I haven't done a "long" run, and it was nice to be able to do that on Saturday. I was able to zone out and just go. There was no set time limit or distance since it was just me, and I just got to go. It felt great to clear my head and recharge. I don't know exactly how far I ran and frankly I don't care... it was 1:30 and it felt great. I could have kept going but I ended up back where I started so it only made sense to stop. It was also a pretty awesome feeling to not feel like death for the rest of the day like I have in the past when running that long (woohoo to being in shape!)


It was also nice because the marathon team was on the same trail, so in a sense I felt like I was back with my old team. I was able to cheer them on and I remember those days of that first, intimidating long run out in Reston and how difficult it was. I remember how hard it was to continue to push and how much it meant to have people helping me along. It just felt good to in a sense give back. I loved seeing my old coaches and teammates and in the end, I felt good about the day. 


On another note, now that the race is getting closer and the reality that I am actually going to do this is setting in, I have spent a lot of time thinking about the finish. I can see myself in each leg - going from the swim, to the bike and to the run - and then the finish... and that in particular, I have spent a lot of time thinking about. 


Being totally selfish, this will be the first time that I am crossing the finish line without someone there. In some ways, it is very empowering - Hawaii has such a personal meaning to me because of my last trip and the independence that I gained from it. Having trained so hard and to have raised so much money in John's memory has reiterated the strength that I sometimes lose through my own personal self-doubt. But - on the other hand, it is difficult knowing that there won't be someone there to be proud of me in person. Especially since I feel like there is so much to be proud of this season - but again, I am being selfish with those thoughts.


I know - I KNOW and so deeply appreciate - that there are so many people in my life that are proud of me and that support me - and I don't, by any means discount or forget that. It means more to me than I can ever express in words to have such an incredible group of people - both friends and family - who care so much. 


I also need to remember that I selected a race that isn't as accessible as the other races I've done (although now that I think of it, only one of my three brothers came to my marathon that was in DC...). I know that if my parents could, they would be there and I also know that my friends and the rest of my family will be there with me in spirit and cheering me on. I know I will have my other TNT teammates and coaches there - but familiar faces do go a long way. 


But, just like the last trip to Hawaii, I will be able to take that away as lesson in strength - just like I have with this training. Regardless, I know that I am going to be happy and proud of myself - and for all of you that have supported me through this journey will be as well... and plus, who are we kidding - I have the best reward in the world waiting for me when I am done... Maui. 

$8500 is a lot of money... HELP!

I just finished my team training for the week and it went really well today - we did 60 minutes on the bike followed by a 40 minute run. Overall I felt very strong and each week we are building up a little more... and getting closer to race day.  


As mentioned in the last post, I spoke to the team before practice about John and why I am doing this season... and I've spent a lot of this week thinking about that and why we are doing this. To me, this season is not just about fundraising and training - it is about giving back and honoring John... and I was renewed with my desire to not just reach, but surpass my goal. 


With a goal of $8500 - it is really lofty - and thankfully I am just about 70% of the way there... and I really want to surpass it, but I know that it is going to take a LOT of effort on my part since I feel like I am tapping all my personal resources. 


I still want and need the support of my friends and family and I am hoping that there are a few more folks out there that will reach into their purses and wallets and donate... and it doesn't matter to me how much - if it is just $1 or $100 - it still makes a huge difference and will help me reach my goal. Every dollar counts.


Over the next few weeks I am going to be reaching beyond just my friends and I am going to pimp myself out at Giant doing bake sales (and I promise I won't kill anyone with my baking), helping out at IHOP's National Pancake Day and hopefully having a happy hour... I also hope that I can look to Ratner to support me, so with all of this, along with all my training - I don't know where I am going to find time to do anything else. 


If you are reading this blog (thank you!) - and you haven't donated, I am asking you to reach into your heart and help out. Leukemia and Lymphoma Society is an amazing organization and they do so much to help provide patients a better quality and they have done so much in helping wipe out blood cancer. My link is below - please help me reach my goal (and beyond). 


http://pages.teamintraining.org/nca/lavatri12/samperry