I am 35 days out... and I am getting excited. There are so many unknowns about this race coming up but I have to keep in mind that I can only stress about things I can control.
Saturday's training was just a strange day - the weather called for it to be about 40 - which although cold, really didn't freak me out. When we got to practice we had a 20 minute random snow squall, that was just strange considering earlier in the week it was 70 (no seriously, 70).
Our training for the week called for a 10 minute run, followed by a 120 minute ride and then a 20 minute run. As I transitioned onto my bike, it was having difficulty shifting and it turns out that my shifter punked out (I think - who are we kidding, I don't know what it is really called) - I ended up having to come back and my bike was out of commission for the day. I wasn't going to just call it quits and hang out in the cold for 2+ hours, so I ended up doing a nice long run, which was actually exactly what I needed - not only for my mental health, but for my confidence going into this race.
I have always had a fear of running -that is why I started with TNT in the first place - and as I have trained for this race, I have continued to run, but I haven't done a "long" run, and it was nice to be able to do that on Saturday. I was able to zone out and just go. There was no set time limit or distance since it was just me, and I just got to go. It felt great to clear my head and recharge. I don't know exactly how far I ran and frankly I don't care... it was 1:30 and it felt great. I could have kept going but I ended up back where I started so it only made sense to stop. It was also a pretty awesome feeling to not feel like death for the rest of the day like I have in the past when running that long (woohoo to being in shape!)
It was also nice because the marathon team was on the same trail, so in a sense I felt like I was back with my old team. I was able to cheer them on and I remember those days of that first, intimidating long run out in Reston and how difficult it was. I remember how hard it was to continue to push and how much it meant to have people helping me along. It just felt good to in a sense give back. I loved seeing my old coaches and teammates and in the end, I felt good about the day.
On another note, now that the race is getting closer and the reality that I am actually going to do this is setting in, I have spent a lot of time thinking about the finish. I can see myself in each leg - going from the swim, to the bike and to the run - and then the finish... and that in particular, I have spent a lot of time thinking about.
Being totally selfish, this will be the first time that I am crossing the finish line without someone there. In some ways, it is very empowering - Hawaii has such a personal meaning to me because of my last trip and the independence that I gained from it. Having trained so hard and to have raised so much money in John's memory has reiterated the strength that I sometimes lose through my own personal self-doubt. But - on the other hand, it is difficult knowing that there won't be someone there to be proud of me in person. Especially since I feel like there is so much to be proud of this season - but again, I am being selfish with those thoughts.
I know - I KNOW and so deeply appreciate - that there are so many people in my life that are proud of me and that support me - and I don't, by any means discount or forget that. It means more to me than I can ever express in words to have such an incredible group of people - both friends and family - who care so much.
I also need to remember that I selected a race that isn't as accessible as the other races I've done (although now that I think of it, only one of my three brothers came to my marathon that was in DC...). I know that if my parents could, they would be there and I also know that my friends and the rest of my family will be there with me in spirit and cheering me on. I know I will have my other TNT teammates and coaches there - but familiar faces do go a long way.
But, just like the last trip to Hawaii, I will be able to take that away as lesson in strength - just like I have with this training. Regardless, I know that I am going to be happy and proud of myself - and for all of you that have supported me through this journey will be as well... and plus, who are we kidding - I have the best reward in the world waiting for me when I am done... Maui.
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