Now for the rest of the story. For those that have read through the whole blog, including last year's marathon story, you will know and understand the significance of the "Win Sam Win" shirt. In addition, for those that know what I have been through in my personal life over the past year, understand and know that one of the (many) things that I did not keep after Tom dumped me was the shirt- - and the only, ONLY, ONLLLYY (can I express this again) thing that I have want(ed) back was my shirt.
It was a VERY emotional decision for me, but as my time with TNT this season progressed, it became more and more clear to me that the accomplishment of finishing the marathon was not something that could, should or WOULD be taken away from me by Tom. Through the break up, one of the things that hurt the most that was that I felt that the accomplishment of the marathon was taken away from me... that "I wouldn't have been able to finish the marathon without him" Well - one thing I will not disregard is the amount of support and devotion that he showed to me. BUT in that same breath, I was the one running. I was the one at the trainings. And I was the one that crossed the finish line. It was ME. I RAN. Not him. And although it has taken me a long time and a lot of good friends, I know that it was my accomplishment, not his and even though he may have given me that shirt, I was the one that did it.
So, as I started out this week, I asked Aubrey to help get the shirt back. I was nervous to have it back and as I held it in my hands for the first time, I wanted to throw up. I really didn't know what to do... But, we had a Rocky I and Rocky II viewing on Friday before the run and as I looked around at Mickey, Kristina, Kristin, Charlie, Jedi, Lindsay and Robert -- and watching the movies and sharing with them MY inspiration -- and realizing that these people were my team, my friends, my family -- and that this shirt didn't represent our relationship and him giving it to me - but it represented ME and what I CAN (and will) accomplish. He may have given me the shirt, but he doesn't OWN the significance of it.
On Saturday morning, I put the shirt on, again with the feeling of barfing, but as I got to the run -- about 10 miles in, at the second or third water stop, I realized, with the help of Kristina, that I own the shirt. It is mine.
I won't go into the details of all the miles -- although we did see a butt crack from a biker, do some dancing, see Jason Taylor and a few other things...Anyway...
Last year, when I finished my 20 miler, Tom was waiting at the end. This 18 miler, which sucked WAYYY more than the 20 miler last year, I had Mickey waiting at the end and Kristina by my side - both which meant the world to me. Mickey knew what I was feeling (and Kristina was feeling it with me, argggg). Mickey had been finished FOREVER -- but knowing that there was someone who GOT it -- someone who felt just as crappy as we did at that point at the end helped us get to that DAMN stop sign. And he was there because he WANTED to be - not because there was an obligation to be. There is a HUGE difference between WANT and NEED.
So - with all this said- I guess the lesson learned is that I will WIN. I can WIN. And NOBODY, will EVER be able to take this season, or ANY season away from me. This season has taught me the value of friendship and the value of believing in yourself and the value of a team. There is nothing better than running and feeling like death and having someone run by and say - Come on Sam - you can DO It. GO TEAM!
I know we are out there to save lives -- but I never thought that doing Team in Training would actually be the thing to save me... so thank you to TNT for bringing me back.
WIN, SAM, WIN.
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