Sitting, Waiting, Wishing (with a little bit of tension added in)

If I was smart enough to be able to figure it out and could put a theme song to this particular post, it would be Jack Johnson's Sitting, Waiting, Wishing.  Simply because that is what I feel like I've been doing a lot of this week in so many aspects of my life (and no, don't go reading into the lyrics, which totally could be taken out of context depending on who you are).

Obviously, Sittng, Waiting, Wishing, in this case refers to wanting to be the winner of The Best Dive Job. They have been posting the finalists each day this week and it is actually pretty fun because I think that all the applicants that are truly devoted to this contest have figured out when the guys at Blue Season Bali post the finalist for the day so they (ok we) heckle them until they post. It's kinda fun to ruffle their feathers and I am sure they LLOOOOVEEE knowing that we are all dying inside to know.

Its turned into a great community of contestants who obviously all want to win this amazing chance, but also are enjoying the experience. Having been in the position of Jonathan and Tom, I know they are enjoying it. We don't have nearly that size interaction with our GFC folks, but what we have during our interview portion is so fun to hear their excitement. If I don't win, I am going to take a few plays out of their book for the next challenge. :)

But regardless, as each day goes by, I feel a little more tension, waiting to see if I will be the finalist for the day. In all honesty, I would rather be the last person selected as a finalist. Sounds silly, but of course I have my reasons, including that would mean they are saving the best for last (self promotion and confidence is not something I am lacking, obviously), but also it is kind of fun to keep checking every day. And I know that if I am selected then I will want this more than I already do and that might not be healthy!

It's funny because I've also been teaching a lot this week (and busted the CRAP out of my knee last night on the bike - I mean, seriously could I be more klutzy?!) Anyway -- I've been at my normal gyms, just at different times and days, so I've seen a lot of my regulars, just on different nights/mornings and they are all following along with the contest also and they seem to be pretty excited about it.

They will realize I am subbing and after class, they come up and they are like, "I can't believe you arent' a finalist yet - we are so excited for you! If they haven't had a chance to check online they ask when I would find out and they are all so supportive, it makes me so proud. I was talking to Joella yesterday and I was telling her about it and how we have such a great community here and that makes me so proud. :) Anyway...

Beyond the best dive job, there are some other things going on and it falls into the category of this blog under "Just trying to survive" - It's been an emotionally charged couple of days, which have been brought on by the last six weeks. I don't know if there is a resolution to all of it and I have tried so hard not to live on hope. I feel like i have two sides, one that dreams, wishes and still believes in fairy tales. And then there is the reality of it. I've struggled to figure out how to write about all of this, if at all, and then I remembered a quote that I keep on my facebook page that I guess might sum parts of it up and that's about as much as I have figured out (which really equates to nothing)

"At the end of the day faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. Its like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And its not so important happy ever after, just that its happy right now. See once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you , and once in a while people may even take your breath away." - GA